Someone recently asked me what my advice is for how to find a life partner. When I answered him I realized my answer goes to the heart of my philosophy on life. My advice is to follow your dreams. Finding a life partner is a side effect of this central, all important part of living fully. So start with what you are doing – what are your dreams? Do you even know what they are?
When in doubt, it’s best to start small. Maybe you have a dream to take more baths and time for yourself, maybe it’s to practice yoga, or even have a smoothie from a place that you’ve been wanting to try but never gave yourself permission. Start really listening to yourself to learn what you really want, especially with the little things. This is really quite critical because it must be what you want, not what you imagine someone else thinks you should do. This is about getting in touch with YOUR DESIRES FOR YOURSELF.
I started this process when I realized I was so focused on what other people wanted I had no idea what I wanted for myself any more. I had to start really, really small. It was so scary at first. But then I did that first little thing for myself and nothing bad happened. Then every time I did something I really wanted to do, I felt better. Then I started to gain momentum and gave myself permission to do bigger and bigger things. A dream of travel started to come into focus. That was a big dream I could never have allowed myself to contemplate previously. Once it was out of the bag, I knew how much I wanted it. All of my previous effort would have been for nothing if I had backed down, so I went to work on making it happen.
So much in life is possible if we can work out what we want and bravely set to work. You don’t know if it will work out, but you do know you won’t be fully happy unless you try.
That’s how I ended up meeting my husband on a campsite on the Isle of Skye in Northern Scotland. I had a day of hiking that was an absolute pinnacle in terms of self fulfilment. I felt so complete I didn’t need anybody or anything. Then I went back to the campsite and there he was.
Interestingly, he was following his dreams and wound up finding me too. He went on a long cycling trip through the Western Isles, carrying camping gear and taking ferries from island to island. He was on a journey to find out what sort of person he wanted to be and leave all the ideas everyone else had for him behind. Every mile he cycled (and believe me, he cycled hundreds) more and more of the old ideas that weren’t serving him dropped off of the back wheel. By the time he met me, he was comfortable just being himself, and I tell you he couldn’t have been more lovely.
Following your dreams is a path to living fully. You want to become the best person you can be and get your life headed in that direction. Then you will naturally meet people who have the same dreams. Your lives will align and you will support each other to become better people. That’s the true goal.
Besides, in the meantime you are making your life as wonderful as you possibly can, so there’s nothing to lose!
