The Life Changing Power of Following the Right Routine

Following the right routine really has completely changed my life. If the word “routine” sounds dreary and drab to you, you’re probably following the wrong one.

For years, I dodged routine, fearing I would be locked into a structure that would hold me back. I wanted to take each moment as it came, following my inspiration and squeezing the most out of life. It was interesting to try live that way for a while. I made some great progress on myself, but it was hard to keep it up. When I was tired it was hard to “follow inspiration” and too easy to fall into habits that didn’t serve me well. Then as I got older and gained more responsibilities, the time I had to be spontaneous got smaller and smaller. By the time I started having children, spontaneous time for me was almost completely non-existent.

Also, during that period I only made sporadic progress on my artwork. I was in a continual pattern of “restarting” and having to gain momentum all the time. I used to compare it to “getting a boulder rolling” because I had faith it would eventually roll on it’s own momentum and maybe one day I would even be chasing after it. However, this seemed like a far flung idea because I was always at the very beginning, pushing that heavy, still boulder with all my might.

Then, after having children I saw what comfort a routine gave to both me and them. I noticed how the smallest changes made such a difference to how they behaved. Eventually I started to wonder if the smallest differences could change the way I approached life too.

Now I have four very young children and I am making more progress with myself than ever before. My studio practice is moving quickly, so I’m almost running to my studio I’m so excited. Physically, I’m in the best shape of my life. My finances are organized. And unbelievably, amazingly . . . my house is actually clean!!

And that isn’t even the best part – my mind is calmer. I have more space to think about what I want to think about, not what I feel I have to think about. I have the energy to think about my next steps going forward and the goals I’m working toward – and not in a desperate way, but in a calm, expectant and joyful way.

I honestly used to think that could never happen, but it has. It has happened with four children age seven and under!!!

The secret is creating the right routine and using that routine to sort out one part of your life at a time.

I didn’t start this all at once. Not by a long shot. It has taken me years to develop the routine that works for me, but the process is relatively simple. You can do it too. Here is what you need to know:

1. STRATEGY – By creating a routine, you are implementing a strategy. This is key. You are creating a strategic plan and carrying it through. This will address the problem at it’s core, so after a bit of time and consistency, you won’t be “firefighting” any more. You’ll be actually moving forward with it, eventually solving it completely. Essentially, what I’m talking about is strategic time blocking, setting aside a certain amount of time to work on an aspect of your life. You set this aside every day, week, month, whatever your routine is.
2. DECIDE – First you have to decide what part of your life you want to improve. What will make the biggest difference to you right now? Usually, this will be the part of your life that’s bugging you the most.
3. ACHIEVABILITY – Next, you’ve got to make an achievable plan. It has to be something you can definitely do that will make a difference. For instance, to get in better shape, your plan is to work out for twenty minutes three times a week. If it’s too ambitious, you’ll just fall of the wagon, so make sure it is something you can definitely do.
4. TIME OF DAY – Really think carefully about what time of day you’re going to do this. The time of day you implement a routine can make or break it. This will depend on whether you are a morning person or night person, and what else is going on in your life. For instance, I have a high maintenance hip that requires lots of physical therapy exercises to stay functional. I tried for months to do the exercises in the evening after my kids went to bed, but couldn’t create any consistency. My hip finally started improving when I started getting up early in the morning so I could do the exercises before they got up. I’m a morning person, so that was much easier to implement. This made a HUGE difference to my life!
5. MAKE CONSISTENCY YOUR GOAL – Don’t look for the problem to improve too early. Instead, make consistency your goal. Be proud of how consistently you are following your routine (even if you mess up a little). If you are consistent, the problem WILL improve over time. When you achieve consistency, you prove to yourself that you are trustworthy. As you carry on and eventually solve this problem, you will prove to yourself that you can follow through and solve a difficult issue completely. The self confidence you gain from this is immeasurable.
6. MAKE YOUR ROUTINE INTO A RITUAL – As Twyla Tharp says “what makes it a ritual is they do it without questioning the need.” This is the level of consistency you eventually want to achieve. It is where you don’t fight it at all – you accept your routine as much as you accept the inhale and exhale of breath. Believe me, this brings so much peace into your life.
7. OVER TIME, GRADUALLY EVALUATE AND TWEAK YOUR ROUTINE – The smallest changes can make the biggest difference. Adjusting the time of day, what you do before or after, or what little reward you give yourself can turn a chore into something you just do without questioning. For instance, when I get up to do my physical therapy exercises in the morning, I do my absolute best to avoid checking email or social media on my phone before I do it. It’s too easy to waste 15 minutes that way and that throws off my whole routine. It’s the difference between stressful rushing and peacefully doing my exercises. There is no comparison!
8. ADD IN ANOTHER ROUTINE TO ADDRESS YOUR NEXT PROBLEM – Once you have solved the first problem (or at least have a routine completely embedded into your life), you can start working on the next problem. Eventually you can create routines that solve the big problems in all the major areas of your life. It’s really possible! And let me tell you, the mental fulfilment and peace you experience is profound.

Now that you know my strategy, here’s the “real life” way I developed it. I started on this path when I had just had my second child. I was overweight, hugely frustrated with the incessant demands being put on me, and ready to throttle any well meaning adult in sight. I’m not even joking. I stormed out of the house one day in a huff and went for a run in the park just so I wouldn’t rip my poor husband’s head off!

After that I realized for everyone’s mental health I had better start exercising regularly! I had running shoes, a stroller that you could run with and a park nearby. We couldn’t afford a gym membership, so that was my option. I started getting up early, before the baby woke up, threw the toddler in the stroller with a juicebox and a snack, and would run for half an hour until it was time for my husband to get up. The mental clarity this gave me was huge. Our marriage survived just fine, and I got to where I could appreciate the positive side of everything around me.

Within a few months, I had lost the weight, was feeling amazing and then BOOM – I was pregnant again. The subsequent exhaustion killed the running. Then we decided to move from the UK to the US to be near my family and afford more space (we were rapidly growing out of our 500 sq foot home). The immigration process and third pregnancy took over my life for a year. Eventually we were settled in our new home in the US, my third child was six months old, and I was ready to do something about the weight again.

After getting into such a good routine after my second child, I believed I could do it again, despite the fact that I was much more heavy (stressful moving took it’s calorific toll!). I joined a gym and my husband and I traded off who would go in the morning before the kids got up. He went Mon, Wed, and Fri and I went Tues and Thurs. We were both morning people, so this made sense. This time I was so heavy I had to implement a strict diet too. It was hard at first, but because I had lost the weight previously I believed I could do it again. It took six months, but I managed to lose 37 pounds and get in the best shape I had ever been in! This was after having three children in three years! Then, after having a fourth kid a year later, I did it again!

See how the momentum was building?

Now it might sound like I was super physically able, but the truth was I had a hip problem that I had been nursing for eight years. There were lots of exercises I wouldn’t do because of my hip. Anytime I started a new form of exercise, like all that running, I went incredibly gently and slowly built up strength so I wouldn’t aggravate my hip. I had been to physiotherapists in the UK but hadn’t had much success. So at my husband’s urging, I began seeing a physical therapist here in the US.

It took four months of physical therapy twice a week to solve my problem. (Yeah, that was definitely challenging with the kids there at the appointments!!) Along the way I had to figure out a way to fit these new physical therapy exercises into my life. That’s when I came up with the idea of doing them in the morning before the kids got up. Then I finally started to make good progress. When the three months of treatment were finished, I was a little afraid I would fall off the wagon with doing my exercises at home. I also wanted to test my new abilities with a functional hip. So I started Crossfit!

This might seem insane to normally minded people. But in my head, I thought if there was a serious consequence to me not doing my physical therapy exercises, then it would keep me on track. I was honestly terrified of what would happen to my hip if I did Crossfit without doing those exercises, so that fit the bill! Plus Crossfit was something that was possible while my kids were awake. They could sit at the side, play video games and let me work out. The baby went in a play pen and watched the workout. If I tried to work out at home they constantly interrupted me, but they wouldn’t interrupt the class.

So then for about a year, I got up every weekday morning to do my physical therapy exercises, got the kids up and took the oldest to school, took the younger three to my Crossfit class and then we would get on with our day. It took a whole year of keeping that routine in place for me to trust my own capability. Once I started to really trust myself, I realized I could apply that discipline to other areas of my life too.

Next, I started creating set times to do my artwork. I was already doing some, but I took it to a whole other level. Now, I have a scheduled time to do artwork five days out of seven. I can’t even tell you how much happiness this has brought me. From the bottom of my soul I tell you its one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Then, after another six months of letting that routine settle in, I set up a time each week to do our family finances. That took a bit of figuring out. I had to try different times of day to get the right fit, because honestly this is not my favorite task! Then once I had that figured out, I set a time to actually do the housework properly too (!!!). The housework and finances were things I was always worrying about. I could never seem to fit them in or complete them! But now, I know exactly when they will be done and I don’t worry about it at all. It’s a bit like brushing your teeth. You have a routine for that, so you don’t worry about when you will do that do you?

This has been such a huge relief. These major areas of my life are now functioning properly. The huge section of my mind that was taken up with worrying about them is now free to think about other things. Now I’m concentrating on being more present with my children day to day. I’m actively working on praising myself and being more positive internally. I’m chasing my dreams and working on how to grow my artistic practice. Isn’t that such a better replacement for all the stress and worry? It really is completely life changing!

The right routine is one that works for you, with your best time of day, your work schedule and family life, and your notion of what is achievable. It also needs to address things that really matter to you. Don’t go making a routine to sort out parts of your life that you think other people care about. This is about YOU and what will make a difference to YOU AND YOU ALONE! The area of your life that is bugging you the most is the one you need to find peace in, so really think – what about it is within your control? What can you do to fix it?

I want to add in one important point right at the end. At some point you will also need to schedule time to help yourself move forward personally. This may be a time for meditation, journaling, prayer or even planning and goal setting. You need time to think about yourself and what you want – what your ultimate purpose in life is. If you can get time to think about that into your routine, there will be no stopping you.

You can do this! Just take one small section of your life and put a plan together to improve it. Reward yourself for the consistency you achieve. Schedule time for activities that feed your soul and stick to them.

You are worth it!

With love and hope,

Jenny

PS. Also, if you want to check out some resources that helped me on the way, I highly recommend Allie Cassazza for household decluttering advice and intentional living, Kendra Hennessy for cleaning advice and The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington for mindset and goal setting.