Have you ever really listened to the way you speak to yourself in your mind? This is your internal dialogue, your personal commentary on what is going on in any given moment. This is the conversation you have with yourself all the time, but it’s so ingrained you might not be aware of it. I certainly wasn’t until I made a conscious effort to listen to it.
Before I did this I would have told you I was a fairly confident person and I was nice to myself on the whole. I was certainly nice to others and I made an effort to be nice to myself sometimes. But then I tried an exercise where I listened to my internal dialogue without “shushing” myself or trying to change anything for several days. I just really listened . . . and it was pretty horrifying.
All those deep, little thoughts were centered on how I wasn’t good enough in almost every area of my life. They were harmful, cutting things like “You should have sorted this out before” and “Why on earth did you do that?” “You can’t do that, you know you can’t.” “You’re disorganized. That’s not acceptable.” These gave way to even worse thoughts like “You’re a delinquent. You are less than nothing. This is why people don’t love you enough. You can’t depend on them.”
This shocked me to the core. It was just so dark.
When I stood back from it, I was amazed at how much energy I wasted belittling myself. I also noticed how strong I was to withstand it. How much energy could I free up if I changed that inner dialogue into a positive one? Could I actually train myself to be supportive in those deep inner thoughts?? I mean, how do you even do that?
I tried speaking to myself in a nice way, but it was too taxing and difficult. I had to find someone else to do it instead.
So then I turned to Tony Robbins. I was trying to find any motivational speaker who could fill my head with positive things. I looked him up on YouTube and started listening to his videos while I cleaned the bathrooms each week.
The one that inspired me the most talks about deciding to enjoy your life no matter what happens. This is a choice and is possibly the most empowered choice you can make. So far I’ve managed to do that for short amounts of time and it just makes everything easier. I follow my gut instincts better, I deal with my kids better and I make better decisions in my art practice. All because I’ve decided to have a good time! It’s been so emotionally freeing. Here is the video:
Another one that has inspired my hugely is called “The Lion Attitude.” In it he talks about how each person usually has success in at least one area of their life. They are usually happy with something – be it how close they are with their family, or their career, or their physical fitness, or something. He says that in that area of life the person’s performance pretty much matches their “blueprint” or idea of what that part of their life should be like. It may not be perfect, but it’s pretty much there. Then he talks about the areas of life where you aren’t feeling successful or you aren’t happy. In those areas your “blueprint” and what is actually happening are very different. That difference, that experience of not living up to your own expectations causes pain. So he said you’ve got to either change your performance or change your “blueprint”, or maybe do a little of both. I’ve realized some pretty moving things about my expectations in relation to money and family. It’s been huge!
Now I have a new, healing mantra which is “I can trust my friends and family.” My blueprint is starting to change.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXooHtOsfh8
So my advice is to take a few days or a week to listen to how you speak to yourself. Really listen and find out what your inner dialogue is like. Then, if it’s not what you want it to be, start finding a positive voice you can replace it with. Just listening to uplifting podcasts and reading inspiring stories can help shake up your issues and help you work through them. Or you may already be working with a therapist who can help you. Whatever you do, be sure to find something that feels right and authentic to you. You have to find someone who can help you believe this level of self love is possible. Tony Robbins is doing it for me. I hope you can find the right person to do it for you.
It’s worth it to take this bold step forward to make a change. After all, these thoughts are with you all the time. Just imagine what it would be like if they were positive and actually adding to your life. Imagine if you were acting on these thoughts and putting 100% of your energy into making your life better. It could propel you to success you’ve never imagined.
This is my plan. Fingers crossed for both of us!
Take Care,
Jenny
